Just trying to make it through each day

Comment by Ruth Laumer on October 4, 2010 at 10:20am

Hi Kimber: I am so sorry for the loss of your son! I know we don't know each other but we both have somethng in common, we both have lost people we have loved very much! I understand how you are feeling with your greif!
I lost my husband on Feb. 28th, 2001. We had just gotten back from a long weekend vacation in Alabama visiting friends there. Monday morning started out as a normal work day just trying to catch up on work. My husband, Curt, was a self employed electrician who loved, loved his work!!!! He went to work that day and in the middle of the day had a brain anyerisum! He was only 51 yrs. old!! He held his own in the hospital for two days but didn't make it.
We did donate his organs although that was an angoizing decision as he was not a registered donor!! He helped SEVEN people live!! I know he is living on in these othere wonderful people!! We were married 30 yrs and one month! I had a terrible time with my grief after he died. I was all alone after all those years of being married. I saw all of these couples together in the store, driving, going out together having fun and I thought that is not fair!!! Sometimes I thought I was doing better but then would take four steps backwards, that is greif!!
Grief work is very hard stuff and it will take as long as it takes and is different for everyone.
Lean hard on your family and your friends---they will understand and they are a wonderful support!!!
I had a wonderful grief counselor I saw once a week at first and then went to two times a month, but I would not have made it through without his wise and comforting wisdom!!!!! My suggestion to you when you feel you are ready is to join a grief group and see a good grief counselor. You are right none of the grief makes sense and sometimes I felt like I was going crazy!!! Little things would set me off in a crying spell, especially in church on Sunday mornings!
My current husband and I met Kim Morshing at the Rose Parade two years ago. I thought I had done all of my grief work and we had a week filling with many moments of crying because something would set you off and then lots and lots of times when we would be laughing and enjoying the new freinds we made that week.
I hope some of my thoughts have helped. Please feel free to write as I have been down this road. My counselor once said the grieving gets much better but never really goes away competly!! It has been 9 1/2 years since Curt died and every once in awhile something will set me off. The big something is when I am watching my two grandkids, who were born after Curt died and I start wishing he would have been here to enjoy them, I sometimes get on a crying jag!! I am looking foward to hearing from you. Lovingly, Ruth Laumer

Comment by Dawn Hank on October 4, 2010 at 3:48pm

Oh Kimber my heart aches for you. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. It just doesn't seem possible does it? So many times I think how can this be us, our family, how could this happen to our son? Our son Devin was born on September 27th 1994. On Monday we were celebrating his 16th birthday without him. He died unexpectedly on December 7th 2008.

The way you describe how you are feeling is familiar to me. There were many times that I thought I would pass out because I felt like I couldn't breath. And when you talk about how perfect your sons body looked I understand what you mean. We donated Devin's organs too. When the LifeSource people asked us the long laundry list regarding his health history it felt so surreal. I kept saying healthy, healthy, healthy to all of their questions and yet he was gone to us.

When you say that none of it makes sense you make sense to me. I can tell you from our perspective that the days and nights do get better and your chest will lighten while you still hold your son in your heart. I wish you many blessings and will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. When you feel lonely and full of grief know that there are many people holding you dear and in their hearts at all times of day. Dawn

Comment by Shelly J. Sinn on October 5, 2010 at 1:54am

But your feelings are rational. We've all had them. They just seem unusual because this is a tragic and sudden thing that has happened to you, to me, to many of us. I remember anger at those who were enjoying life and guilt when I finally allowed myself to smile. This is your journey of grief. While I wish you weren't traveling it, you are, but you are not alone. I felt healthier when I began to reach out to others with my experience and I hope we can help.

Comment by Carol Pavel on October 5, 2010 at 9:26am

My heart goes out to you! The journey you are beginning is not an easy one. Grief is hard work. You have made an important step by reaching out to others who have traveled this path. Those of us who have been there understand what you are feeling. The anger, lack of concentration, feelings of resentment, lack of motivation, fear, having no sense of security - we've felt it all. You are not going crazy - only grieving. We are a few weeks away from the 3rd anniversary of our son's accident and death. In 11 days we will be visiting again with the man that received Brian's heart and liver. Even though it all still seems so unreal, that is a bright spot in our lives. I hope you, too, will be able to find those bright spots. It all takes time. Please allow all of us who have been on this journey to walk with you.

Comment by Kimber Beck on October 5, 2010 at 12:00pm

Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement. It has only been 7 days and some moments feel like it all just happened and others feel like it happened a long time ago. Someone said I would feel unable to concentrate and lack of motivation.. I feel that today. So many people want to call and talk but I just cant. I only want to talk to my daughter in law and grandkids and husband. It is strange. Tomorrow would have been his 20th birthday. I just have to get through it. I am meeting his two best friends on top of a place he always loved and we are releasing balloons and then going to lunch to talk. I hope that it helps.

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