Day 8

Well, I cant believe it has been a week. I have these odd moments of wondering what I am doing and what did I go into that room for and why am I just standing here staring in space. Sometimes I just cant even get off my chair, I cant even will myself to move.

So many people call and want to talk but I just dont want to talk to anyone but my husband, daughter-in-law and my granddaughter. Every day my sister calls and makes me talk to her...but sometimes I just grunt my hellos and that is all, other times she cant get a word in edgewise. I am glad she is understanding.

Tomorrow, Johni turns 20. I am meeting his 2 best friends to release balloons off his favorite hill in the center of town. He would have liked that. Then we are going to sit and have lunch and hopefully talk. They are my memories of Johni... he did so many things I had no idea about because he lived out on his own. They are my eyes and ears into what was his world.

I feel like the real work is starting. I have to see if I can face the world. I am back in school finishing my work at the hospital. That is so hard. but I know I need to do it.