Day 10

Well yesterday, Johni's birthday was hard but I made it through. Didnt make it to work or anything but I tried. I had my scrubs on but couldnt get off the chair.

Today is day ten. I made it through a conference for school...still found myself amazed that people could be so happy... and I cant get the ache out of my chest but it's a little better.

I worry about Nikki all alone in FL. She isnt completely alone, she has the kids and her dad and grandparents, but she doesnt have me. I think I need her as much as she needs me. It makes me sad. I want to be there for her. She loved Johni so much and I love her like a daughter. We are planning a trip in January. I wish I could go sooner but my hubby cant get time off. I think it might help being near the kids. I am dreading the holidays.

< Previous Post

Comment by Carol Pavel on October 10, 2010 at 4:28pm: Take one day at a time. Don't look too far ahead. It can be terribly overwhelming. The holidays are a huge mountain to climb. Three years later, we still hate them. We used to decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving so the kids could help with the tree. Brian loved that. The first year I don't think we even did a tree. I can't remember. It's all such a blur. The next year I put the tree up, but couldn't make myself decorate it until a few days before Christmas. Last year, it went up later, but I decorated it right away because Brian loved Christmas and it reminded me of him.

I guess I'm just telling you these things to show you it all takes time and whatever you are comfortable with doing is ok. Take baby steps and have no expectations. The books tell you to make new traditions. That obviously takes time because we're still working on it. Nothing is ever going to fill that hole in your heart. The good thing is that the memories become sweeter and you will be able to smile at them instead of cry.

I don't think we'll ever "get over" losing our kids. The pain does soften with time. It's still there, just not that gut-wrenching-I-can't-breathe type anymore. A neighbor who had also lost a son told me shortly after the funeral to take good care of myself. I pass that advice on to you. Listen to yourself and do what you need to do - one day at a time.

Comment by zhangyushengs on January 8, 2012 at 7:36pm: http://www.mediatrainingatoz.com ugg classic tall
http://www.buybootsales.com cheap ugg boots
http://www.bootshop-buy.com uggs sale
http://www.dolphin-cloud-eagle.com Ugg boots clearance
http://www.antrimguesthouse.com Ugg boots sale
http://www.chriswakim.com/uggsales uggs on sale

Day 10

You need to be a member of Heroesripple.org to add comments!